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So, I probably shouldn’t admit this online, but I’ve seriously been reconsidering my choices over the past couple years. I recently started my fourth year in my graduate program, and this is when I’m supposed to make the switch from taking classes to producing my own research. Only… I want to focus on my fiction, and I’ve always wanted to focus on my fiction and I’m feeling the time squeeze even more lately.
The problem is, I’m supposed to be studying for my qualifying exams and writing my proposal BUT I can’t find the motivation for either. Even when I started grad school, I saw it as a way to be able to manage my own time differently than at my steady 40 hours a week job with benefits at the State. Which means that, with the pressing time squeeze, instead of buckling down towards school, I find myself focusing on my fiction.
Instead of focusing on school, I’ve been publishing short stories that have been sitting on my hard drive, editing Mail Order Selkies, Urban Werewolf 2, and writing Urban Werewolf Book 3 (Since September 1 I’ve written 27,000 words towards that book).
Now that my husband and I have acquired over $60k of student debt that we didn’t have two years ago and sold our house, I think that I could have focused on writing fiction if I’d stayed at my full time job, written and edited on the bus (which I was somewhat doing), and maybe reduced my working days to 4 days a week and worked the fifth day all day on my fiction. This of course, is further demoralizing me about school and making me want to push my writing even more.
So for now, I will keep working on my writing, but I will also… maybe work a little on school like I’m supposed to do. Since I committed to that three years ago.